Takers & Returners

One of the games we used to play as kids was called Takers & Returners. I'm not sure who came up with this game, but it was a fun, mischievous way to pass the time, much to the chagrin of my parents. The idea of the game was for all of us kids to gather downstairs and have one of us go upstairs, steal something without being seen and bring it back downstairs. The next person was to return the item and steal something else, also without being seen. I believe there was some sort of point system for high risk items like the remote control while Mom & Dad were watching TV, or taking something from the desk while one of my parents was on the computer. I don't think anyone actually kept score or wrote points down, but if such a high risk item were brought downstairs there would be echoes of oohs and ahhs, the widening of eyes and looks of caution for the next person who would be taking their turn.

I remember one time when I was 10 or maybe younger Dennis, Bryan and Mike were playing and I felt so left out! I begged and begged to play until they reluctantly gave in. After spending several minutes impressing on me the importance of not getting caught and explaining in great detail the rules of engagement, Dennis took his turn. He stole his way up the stairs and after a nerve-wracking couple of minutes, he returned with the remote control. He gave it to me with a few more words of caution and sent me upstairs. Mission Impossible. I was so excited. I snuck upstairs and peered around the corner from the kitchen to the living room to locate the positions of Mom & Dad. Dad appeared to be out of the picture, possibly in their room, the bathroom, or outside. Mom was turned away from me, facing the filing cabinet. What an opportunity! I knew I wanted to get something great, a high risk item that would totally impress my brothers so they would know I was akin to agent 007. First, I tip-toed into the living room and replaced the remote. So far, so good. Now to find the golden item that will prove my secrent-agent-ness. There it was! A couch cushion! So big that if I made it downstairs without being caught, my efforts would go down in history for sure. Verifying Mom's position (still facing the file cabinet and completely unaware of my presence), I grabbed the middle couch cushion and headed back downstairs. With the cushion in my arms, visibility decreased at least 50%. The thing was almost as big as I was! The moment my foot hit the bottom step I lowered the cushion with a triumphant smile. I made it!

As soon as I turned the corner on the stairs Dennis threw up his hands in disbelief. From Bryan and Mike I heard groans of disapproval. What? I'm awesome... I win... what is the basis of these reactions! Quickly I tried to mollify their concerns by saying, "What? She didn't see me, I swear!" A moment later, clarity. Mom shouts down the stairs, "You idiots! Where is the couch cushion?" Game over, I lose. As if an item like that would ever go unnoticed by Mom or Dad. Dennis told me to take it back up and we were done playing. I hung my head and took the walk of shame up the stairs, returning the cushion with my mom's penetrating gaze on me. That was the last time I ever played Takers & Returners.

This memory cracks me up all the time. Clearly Dennis was like, "What are you thinking?!" when I brought down the cushion, because there's no way we're going to get away with that. I can only imagine what poor Mom & Dad were thinking when the items they were using kept disappearing and reappearing in a different location. Mom told me that when this particular situation happened she had been sorting bills and papers. She got out of her seat to file some of them, and when she turned back around, her seat was gone! All I know is- my couch cushion should have worked out brilliantly. Ah, the wisdom of youth.